Pleasure is in the eye of your self-esteem — or is it?
Photo of me taken on 2017, Penang Malaysia.
I know I’m not the only woman who’s thought that if she could only have the ‘perfect’ body that it would make her sex life more fulfilling and/or allow her to feel more adventurous during sex.
I also know that I’m not the only woman who has fretted over how she looks to her partner during sex or who has covered those areas of her body she detests so that her partner won’t get a glimpse.
This may sound silly, trite, or downright shallow to some, however, that doesn't mean that this isn’t a reality for many women — myself included.
If Only.
If only we could have the breasts we want — then we’d be more confident in bed.
If only we were slimmer — then we’d be more uninhibited during sex.
If only we didn’t have cellulite — then we might want to be naked more with our partner (without worrying about which angle they’re looking at us from!)
If only we just loved our bodies some more — then maybe we’d be able to relax and truly embrace pleasure.
At this point in my life, I’m probably more confident than I’ve ever been with my own body. But it took me decades to get to this place.
Is sex better for me now that I don’t feel as insecure about my body?
Actually — YES.
I’m more motivated to be completely naked during sex and I’m more willing to try new positions because I feel good about the way I look.
Mind you — my partner has always loved the way I look and has been turned on by me whether I’m chubby, thin, sweaty, scarred, or unshaven (mine is waxed).
The problem has never been my partner. It’s me. So much of the time, how we as women relate to our bodies affects our attitude towards sex and how much we allow ourselves to enjoy sex.
Throwing negativity onto our bodies only breeds displeasure, not pleasure. And sex is supposed to be about pleasure — at least in my world.
Holding ourselves back sexually because we don’t feel good about the way we look is such a shame and, unfortunately, I lived in that reality for most of my adult life.
The way we talk to and about our bodies — even if it’s just to ourselves in a mirror — resonates within our entire being and affects our sense of sexual identity.
If you’re having sex with someone while loathing your body the whole time — how can you really be enjoying that moment?
When you tell your body that you hate it or that you aren’t happy with the way it looks, you’re putting a barrier up between yourself and having a fulfilling sexual experience. You’re essentially punishing your own body.
Sensuality, sex, and orgasms have everything to do with being in tune with our own bodies and if we’re constantly at war with that body it makes pleasurable, meaningful sex with someone so much more elusive.
Loving my body more has indeed improved my sex life and I do love sex more now that I’m more confident in my own skin.
I look forward to sex more. I want sex more. I’m not as concerned with feeling like my body isn’t good enough which enables me to be more focused on the act of sex itself which makes it much more gratifying pleasure-wise.
Body confidence is not easy to obtain — for so many women. It’s easier said than done —YES — absolutely.
However, if you can learn to love certain parts of your own body — even just a little bit more — it may help you on the larger journey of experiencing more pleasure, more sensuality, and better sexual experiences down the road.
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